Column nr. 1, 2016

Fly Fishing With Donald Trump

  One sunny California morning I had been successfully fooling wild Brook Trout and healthy fat Rainbows at one of my favorite secret tiny creeks that intertwine Yosemite National Park. When while walking briskly watching keeping track of the endless circles of rising fish I suddenly crashed my head into a low hanging branch and was knocked out off my feet for at least an hour! While out cold I had this dream...

  Slowly I awoke from what appeared to be a lovely short nap just under a hanging tree limb when I noticed a long black limo pulling up close to road near Lake Tanya one of the Parks most cherished lakes named after the great Indian Chief. My head was sore for some reason and my time line was off by an hour or so? Before I got myself together and began tying a new streamer that the Brook trout hit every time. My black and purple leech pattern never failed when hatches were scarce. Up walked none other then the reality show Star and Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump him self resplendent in his "Make America Great Again Ball Cap" A huge smile on his tanned face with the perpetual Hawk eyes just slits where the outside world filtered through into his Billionaire soul. I was busy tying on the streamer and wiping down my beloved 4-weight custom Bamboo fly rod as Mr. Trump approached quickly.

  "Hello fly fishermen. I see you are equipped with a fine looking Bamboo Rod Sir! My father had outdoor friends who fly fished and back in my time at Wharton especially I had many Pals who fly fished wonderful sport that takes real skills." "Good day Sir. What brings you into the Park this Holiday season?" "Just taking a brake from the never ending campaign trail. Giving the old voice some quiet time. You know watching you throw that line over and over so perfectly is almost like meditating. Did you tie that streamer?" "Yes, take a look at my fly box kind of like feather jewelry."

  I threw the streamer several times with no hits as Donald sat and sorted through my fly box holding the Green and gold attractor streamer up to the bright Yosemite morning light, "Amazing my wife would love these dangling from her ear Wolf!" "Let me ask you a few questions Donald. I do admire your heart and relentless courage saying things few mortals without unlimited ATM power can only dream! But, when I hear you throwing dynamite at whole groups of people and saying rather nasty unkind words about the ladies it does give me pause Sir."

  Just then a Big Rainbow smacked the Streamer and I set the hook fast and asked Donald if he would like to take the 4-weight priceless Bamboo and catch and release his first Yosemite Bow? He smiled widely and those killer eye slits were burning cold excitement as I handed him the jumping pulling running one pound wild Rainbow... "Man he really wants to get loose just like ole Bubba Clinton wants to get loose back in his old Barn hey Wolf?," "You got that right. It ain’t Hellery America wants its Bubba. I laugh at the two wanna be boys chasing you for the nomination. Maybe, let this fish run a bit longer he is not read to give up yet. Just like these boys with no experience other then dreaming big dreams." "You actually stop fly fishing long enough to read the New York Times hey Wolf? Get your fancy wood net and set this fish free. That was too much fun. Maybe I should hire you as my full time fly fishing guide? My jet cross’s more rivers then you ever seen. Lets catch another. I really like the feel and look of this old school Bamboo. Think you can find me one like this Mr. Yosemite?" "I’ll work on it. These handmade Bamboo three piece rods are as rare as Politicians who are not owned bought by huge money.

  Look at that big rising Bow near the boulder. Lets see if he might be hungry?" I threw an easy thirty foot loop three feet up stream of the big Bow and he quickly hit the stream and began a hard run. Before I hand you this bad boy I suggest you give him line and try and keep in the middle away from anything he could get free in... I may be much too expensive to be your personal guide Donald. I read your Book "Art of the Deal" Loved the section where your Father said." "Remember boys men are just like race horses or fine hunting dogs. The genes are passed on boys. Your both doomed to succeed and be kings . "Real nice try on recalling that quote, you got some of it right. Dam. Lost that great fish.

  I hate to loose Wolf." "No worries unlike mortal life next fish is just a cast away endless supply. We try not to harm these wild fish by using only barbless hooks and usually playing quickly as not to wear them out. No waders here in the Park, its all about respect...

  Lunch Time Stream Side With The Donald

  Its time for you to sample some fine California Cheese and wild hog pate’ while I tie you a special one of a kind "Trump 2016 Streamer to remember your morning in one of jewels of this world Sir." "Ok, Wolf I’ll have my boys bring my lunch and we do a stream side potluck. So you don’t catch kill and eat these wild trout?" "Let them go and be caught again or never again."

  "Reminds me of this insane quest to be President of this land in such turmoil. Poor Black and Brown boys and men gunned down like dogs. Is it all these returned veterans trigger happy shoot first instead of de-escalating. What the Hell is going on Wolf ?" "No respect for fellow humans no matter what color is sad state of this union. Where the Hell did humanity go? Do unto others and all the kindness of being a mortal man?" "Look at this brand new Trump 2016 Streamer!" "Yeah, that is real colorful just like me Wolf. Lets talk hanging out in my custom jet and looking for great rivers to fly fish in San Francisco fly man?"

  After along quiet Limo lunch it was back to the small creek and endless hookups. Before the Donald drove off to his next campaign stop we shook hands and he put his hand on my shoulder and said," Listen Wolf you and me are the same age 68 and we both decided early in life which path was best and stuck to it! Hell I’m told by my boys in your world your more famous then I’m. How does Secretary Of The Interior sound?" "Sounds like more work and less stream time to me Donald. Lets make a deal New York 5th Ave. Mega powerhouse. I’ll keep all these wild trout busy avoiding me and maybe you make this country great again or at least keep Bubba the Hell out of the White House." Lots of laughing and back slapping as he grabbed a shiny new "Lets make America Great Again" Ball cap and signed it "Wolf my main man in wild fish chasing!" Donald how about taking along look at Sweden or any Nordic country and see how civilized they always are?" As I walked away the words of one of my old Marine Corps General’s echoed in my ancient mind... "If this world ever gets civilized kid we are both out of work!"

TRUMP 2016 STREAMER

Hook: 2-10
Thread: Gold silk or cotton
Body: Gold tinsel wrapped loose and full
Wings: One large Orange full dyed marabou and a large white marabou fluffed
Cheek: Four long grizzly dyed dark orange slightly separated
Head: dusky thread your choice

The idea here is use your imagination and make this pattern as loud and gaudy as possible!