"ADVENTURES OF FLETCHER QUILL"
Illustrated By Phil Frank,
San Francisco Chronicle Cartoonist, creator of "Farley "

Adventures of Fletcher Quill

  It’s just before 3a.m. and Raven’s Haven is rocking to the max, X Pres Phil is wailing on his sax, Jive Boy on Tambourine, Sharon Stone back up vocals and cow bell, Quill and Timba Back up, lead vocals and moral support. Staff interrupts

"Perhaps a late snack for everyone sir?"

  Keith having just finished a raucous rendition of his all time classic "Happy" leans against the floor to ceiling castle picture window and speaking to no one in particular.

"Man, I sure miss Brian Jones at times like these, that boy could play any instrument instantly! He would pick up some strange gizmo like a Dulcimer or Harpsichord and just sound great with it. I remember when we cut "Aftermath" Brian’s Harpsichord was perfect and made that whole album."

  Sharon walks over to Keith drapes her perfect arm around his shoulder.

"Must be many people you miss these days".

"Oh yeah, Ian Steward the 5^th Stone, Nicky Hopkins insane piano work. Hell, I even miss Mick Taylor, that boy could really play guitar, he might be the best we ever played with period!"

  The group has been jamming all night in the castle fly tower and the song book was too much fun. Timba looks sleepy and has crashed on Sharon’s lap, Jive Boy, Quill and the X Pres are sitting in the fly tower tying chairs as Keith ponders the lone wolf life of Timba and Quill.

"Quill, lets have a look at a few of those famous flies you peddle mate, I want to see the infamous rocker collection first."

  Quill opens an engraved black oak wooden chest and points to a jet black Wolly Bugger size #16.

"The King of Rock’s jet black dyed hair makes this fly actually workable, I got a few strands left and may tie another pattern or two."

  Keith picks up the Kings fly and is mesmerized.

"Bloody Elvis now a fly?"

"Now this little size#16 Mosquito is tied with Little Richards cool locks, and this Muddler Minnow is tied with John Lennon’s fine hair, these flies sell for ten thousand and are one of a kind of course."

"So Keith, next question is what do I have to do to get hair samples of the "Glimmer Twins".

"That’s easy, here is mine right now" (He takes out his pocket knife and cuts off a hunk ) "as for Mick’s hair, I know I have one of his sweaters packed with me."

  X Pres Phil chimes in.

"Sharon love, what do you think of this fly tying madness?"

"It does have an ethereal other worldly atmosphere to it, I told Quill if he wanted to teach me, I’m up for it. My life can get very self contained and my existence in the glass cage does get old, why not chase fish with bugs on pretty waters?"

  The whop, whop sound of choppers can again be heard above the castle, Phil gets on his cell and tells the Secret Service Detail to shoo away the pesky media flies. Jive Boy and the Pres appear to have truly hit it off and are now in deep discussions about what it means to live in the public eye.

"Mr. President your still a young man and now so famous, what is the down side?"

"No real downside Jive, I get all the easy money now speaking which I love to do. The SS Detail keeps me safe at all times, my life is now a dream come true, no more "Gonna get ya" paranoia waiting for some regress from the witch hunt. Best news of all is Hillary is way too busy to keep an eye on me dude!"

  Jive Boy turns to the her Blondness.

"Sharon I gotta ask you the question you must get almost everyday".

"No need to even go there Jive, yes, the one moment of my cinematic history with Mike Douglas sitting in that chair with my cute little skirt outfit is the question I get!" The second question is "Tell me Sharon did you replay that scene with the San Francisco newsboy?"

  The little people

  It’s near 5a.m., Quill has Timba back in his arms and is listening to his Staff Wrangler explain how certain foodstuff has begun to disappear again?

"Ok, make a call and have the launch pick up the extra items and we move on."

  Jive Boy and Keith over hear.

"What’s up with the food evaporating Fletch?"

"Jive, this will sound very weird and I would not have imagined if it had not become such an issue. When the castle was first built in the early 1300s, it was supposedly built right on top of a faerie mound where the little fellows live and dance in endless reverie."

"Hold on mate, you don’t believe in that old mythology do you?"

"Keith, it’s like this, five years ago we had a young female staff who claimed to actually see the little people and converse with them. She said they were very lucky for those they liked, and most unlucky for those they despised! The girl also told me they must have their daily bowls of cereal with a butter pat. If I were to stop that routine and try to expel them, my luck might suddenly change."

  Sharon listening and trying to keep Phil’s wondering eye’s focused.

"I believe in all those old myths, makes perfect sense the fairies would dig this castle. When I made a movie in the deep woods of Maine last year, we experienced the same situation."

  Phil now realizing he will dominate only so much of her Blondness attention.

"We had other world visitors at the White House many times, and I don’t mean humans. One day while I was up to my keister in trying to fend off the entire Justice Dept, I feel this tickling under my big Presidential desk, look down and it’s this tiny 2 foot high Irish looking faerie. He looked up at me and not missing a beat said;

"Mr. President we have bestowed upon you a bullet proof protection against your enemies. We only ask to be able to use the Oval Office late at night for our revelry."

"What the hell did I have to loose, let em have the Oval room late at night. You all know how effective that bullet proofing turned out to be! Besides we rented out the Lincoln bedroom like it was a Holiday Inn."

  In these last hours before the Irish sunrises Sharon is staring at Jive Boy an finally asks;

"So Jive, what precisely do you do?"

"I’m an international invisible snow board, skate board, wind surfer."

"What the hell do you mean by invisible?"

  Keith, Quill, Phil move closer as Jive comes alive...

"Invisible because in all the various contests I go to, from Australia to New York. I never fail to both score high points, but no one ever has any idea what I look like or what my life is like. That is because my Dad was great friends with the madman poet William Burroughs who stayed at our house for months at a time. He taught me how to become invisible and I use that skill every where I go."

"Dam, why haven’t I been so lucky? Thank god I took a little time off and hung in San Fran, it was the perfect place to put Humpty-Dumpty back together. I remember an interview you did Quill in 1995 at KUSF Radio San Francisco. You asked the late great Ken Kesey what he thought about SF";

"Lots of people think San Francisco is full of hippy bolongi , for me it’s the best bolongi in the deli. This city is all about tolerance and forgiveness."

"I never forgot that interview Fletcher, you and Kesey sounded like brothers."

"Long time ago Sharon, another place another time, back when the very last rumors of innocense were still all over the city. These days it almost feels like downtown Hong Kong when I go back to visit, the unchecked immigration has turned the once multi national melting pot into one big Asian bedroom community"

  Jive Boy changes the tone and wants Fletcher to show off his fly casting skills from the balcony of the Fly Tower. Fletcher picks up his favorite six-weight, strings it up and begins throwing a weighted Muddler into the soft Irish wind. Each throw is near perfect as the master of the air ballet displays his prowess.

"Man, Quill, most impressive, let me try."

"Ok Keith, first let out some line and now once you get into the air keep an eye on your back cast, watch it stretch out and then throw."

  After several false starts the Unknighted One, manages to throw the Muddler about forty feet and is happy. Sharon is next up;

"I remember watching that movie" A Sewer Runs Through It".

"No Sharon, thats " A River Runs through it".

  Once again Keith stands alone on the balcony deep in thought, Quill respecting his space let him be. As the Irish sun makes it splendid arrival, guests are looking very contented and elegantly wasted. As the group breaks up and heads to their cozy quarters, Quill and Timba faintly hear Keith half mumble to himself;

"I do love the new Knight, wish it was mutual, guess that ten years on dope didn’t help..."