"ADVENTURES OF FLETCHER QUILL"
Illustrated By Phil Frank,
San Francisco Chronicle Cartoonist, creator of "Farley "

Timba and Quill have been basking in the rare peace and quiet as their last house guests Martha Steward, Jive Boy and master fly assembler Jason Aki decide to spend the night on shore.

Morning at Ravens Haven is a splendid symphony of sea smells from exposed urchins and mussels creating living breathing tidal pools around the castle glistening like Monet's work on a day when the light was clear like shimmering crystal.

The hair samples cost Quill a small fortune and he is very careful not to waste one strand tying size #18 Black Midges. Timba sitting on one of the plush window seats is contented watching migrating hawks being policed by the gangs of crows that rule the skies  in these remote Irish ramparts... Staff meekly approach with the new Secretary of the Interior's hot line.

  "Excuse me sir, I believe its your dear friend Phil?"

  "Fletcher, long time no hang my friend, starting to feel like my old randy self after the bypass dealy."

  "Phil, we all been preying for you my friend-when are you coming back here neighbor?"

  "Back by end of month-gotta run and see if I can help my boy Kerry lick those ugly deep looser wounds, catch you very soon. One more thing Fletch looks like me and Cowboy senior or going to honcho the global money collection for the tragic East Asia giant wave relief, if you were not busy as the new Sec. Interior I would ask you to join us."

  "Gotta go Phil"

Fletcher dials the super secret phone number of a world famous watch making dynasty that is celebrated for its innovation and exceptional skill at making and designing the finest time pieces, Quill has designed his own incredible new mechanical/quartz assisted, multi complication chronometer to be replicated only ten times and then all specifications and machine detail logs destroyed! These ten priceless one of a kind watches will be presented to Quills best friends at his sixtieth birthday- each watch worth one million dollars!

  "Yes, this is he, an honor to speak with you Dr. Quill - your reputation has of course preceded you sir .May I enquire sir are you a medical doctor?- and I'm I to believe you have actually fashioned by hand a complete mechanical watch in rare metals with a quartz assisted movement and invented a new concept in escapments?"

  "Good morning sir, no not a medical doctor- my doctorate is in ancient languages as in the unraveling of the original first human language, " Soyga Alga Mikeath " the language or series of symbolic sounds taught to Adam by God... I have many interests including botany, thermo nuclear nano laser genetic research, and of course astronomy, watch making, poetry, and accumulating rare fly tying materials and rare cars, bamboo fly rods and so on and so on...."

  "I would like to engage you in making via my design and your expertise ten identical wrist bracelet watches incorporating both the latest quartz movement designed and executed in rare gold film and rare earth that I will supply you. The watches will also have my own patented new triple co-axial escapement that is superior to the George Daniels's co-axial escapement- and lastly ten cases I machined out of pure gold excavated from the most ancient fairy mound Sidh of Brug na Bo'inne. I acquired six ounces the melted gold derived from Chief of all Irish gods Dagda's fabled gold cooking cauldron that never stopped producing roast boar's meat for millions of years."

  "Fascinating Mr. Quill I had no idea you were such an expert in innovative watch movement design?"

  "My notes, material and detailed engineering plan with a working model of the watch's I want you to reproduce are on the way- please keep any extra jewels, gold, or my own special metallurgy designs that may assist you creating your own wonderful watches. My design has been tested and is within give or take one sixteenth of a second every one million years. I do have two three complications I want you to design into this grand mechanical, quartz hybrid chronometer; a  moon phase dial,  month and day dial and a seasonal change dial."

(complications are any extra movements incorporated into a watch design- the well known co-axial escapement created by George Daniel eliminated need for oiling movements - Fletcher Quills triple co-axial escapement creates a vibration co-assisted by a quartz crystal in a mechanical watch for unequaled accuracy!)

Quill and Timba are now reading all the notes and text that his new Secretary position comes with- Fletcher will have to spend at least two weeks a month back in San Fran or no big shot job dude!!! Liv Ulman is now in route for her private fly fishing lessons, to be followed by Christina Applegate and now possibly the great French star Catherine Deneve may be castle bound. Another phone call on the civilian line comes in.

  "Fletcher Quill - you won't believe who my co-star is in this silly little flick, non other then Howeird Sterrn surrounded by his gang of funny lackies featuring Arty the cool looser comic about to marry a bar fly without a prenupt and the lovely her balcony is always full Robin Quivers his side kick!."

  "Hold on Sharon Martha is now standing in front of me with hands on hips-have to get back you!"

  "Good morning Martha, sleep well?"

  "I'm so happy you let me serve half my sentence here in Ravens Haven- I do have one or two tiny requests if you don't mind?"

  "Lets have em my dear-surely nothing we can't accommodate?"

  "Would you mind if I rearranged your library and moved the furniture into a more simpatico design."

Quill almost instinctively starts searching for that 22 caliber stainless steel derringer he keeps in all his robes and fly fishing outfits ( he owns twenty exact replica Brenda's baby!!). His hands begin to shake as he listens to more of Martha's ideas."

"And how about a more pleasant color on those fly tower rooms, maybe a lovely pastel pink with squiggly highlights and maybe."

By now Quill has turned bright red and even Timba feels the master is about to blow scrambles for cover.

  "Martha I love you like a sister and welcome you here with open arms- what happened to you makes me sick with all the big boys having great cigar smoking holidays and all, but, listen carefully If you move one of my things one inch I will without hesitation be forced to introduce you to Brenda!"

Quill slides the shiny derringer across the floor and watches Martha quickly sink into a more passive state.

Staff breaks the tension with another phone call.

  "Sir I think it's the tumbling rock gentleman?"

  "That's Rolling Stone my good man.

  "Keith dude what's shaken- got Martha here pushing all my buttons dude?"

  "Fletch couple of things- first Charlie seems to be getting better with the throat thing and we have almost finished the latest album and want to name it "Time Bandits" thanks to that little fairy king we have cut a killer batch of new tunes with serious Chicago Blues riffs and heart breaking old school rock- this album will put us way up front my man. One more thing Mick and I want you to blow harp with us and back up vocals on the next tour and if your up for it solo now and then."

  "Outstanding, I'm down for that-when you coming back to Ireland?"

Before Keith can answer Martha is back hands on hips with a serious scowl working that still cute middle aged X model face...

  "Just a sec Keith - Martha can it wait dear?"

  "No it can't"

Martha takes the phone out of Quills hands and tells Keith.

  "Sorry Fletcher has a female emergency to handle please call back."

  "Mr. Quill, do you think I created a multi million dollar corporation by allowing anyone to speak to me in that tone- if you ever threaten me again I will stick Brenda where the sun don't shine my eccentric fly fisher host!"

Quill listens and his jaw drops to the floor as Martha reads him the riot act with her blond hair glistening in the morning sun finger pointing stern voice...

  "And one more thing young man- how dare you pass up a chance to have me make this lovely castle more habitable and refined- you really ought to consider selling those silly Dali prints I have to look at when walking up the stairs."

  "Martha, I'm sorry I will consider your requests in due time-now if you'll excuse me I have much to do this morning."

Quill motions to staff, I want the entire "Exile on Mainstreet" played at #9 on the rictor scale and I want it right now!"