"ADVENTURES OF FLETCHER QUILL"
Illustrated By Phil Frank,
San Francisco Chronicle Cartoonist, creator of "Farley "

"Some pills make you smaller-some pills make you tall- the pills that mother gave you don’t do anything at all. Go ask Alice who’s ten feet tall!" Surrealistic Pillow echoes easily through out the completely refurbished front cabin of the brand spanking new Air Force One. It seems the "Cowboy" has insisted flight staff accommodate Fletcher Quill and his two top aids the invisible surfer’s Jive Boy and his co-invisible surfer, skate boarder, pool player, ladies man, expert fly tier Jason Aki. These three very bad boys are having a ball playing with all the latest techno stuff like the touch screen video now playing retro videos like "Addicted To Love" and the latest, "Paris Hilton does America Part #3. "The mood is more then joyous as the boys and the Cowboy loosen up for the quick trip back to the Red, White and Blue... One or two tiny details to be worked out of course.

  "Man, Martha has got it all going on dude! Did she or did she not rock that castle till the wee- wee hours my man?" Dude we totally forgot about the newly in camp illegally blond diva Liv ulman wow, dudes!!!"

  "Martha is the bomb, that woman has raised the middle age blond bombshell x model sexy index by a factor of ten to the tenth power my main dudes.... Ahh, listen Quill I almost forgot to mention our little covert fly trip to evaluate your nations national parks will entail one brief stop over." You know what the newly arrived blond can simply mix in with the other uber lighter then air queens dudes?"

  "Cool with us Mr. President, by the by, thanks so much for allowing my best little buddy here Timba to hang with us this very most excellent trip back to the USA."

  "Ahhh, well Quill my main peace diplomat, grave robber, shiny new Secretary of the Interior candidate. I just plain forgot to mention what with all the revelry you and the boys seem to thrive in! We are going to have to spend a little time answering a few silly questions in your Senate Confirmation Hearing that begins in about one hour from right now."

Before Quill and the boys can scrape their jaw bones off the shiny new Air Force One blue carpet. The captain turns on the seat belt sign as the sleek symbol of our nations freedom glides into final approach...

  "One more little THANG here my wayward pilgrims, I’m shocked and embarrassed to say our security team has given me a hand full of these so-called FUNNNNY cigarettes you three fools tried to smuggle into my shiny new jet. Now of course as an active member of the United States Cheer Leaders Association and a card carrying red blooded Texan I insist on reestablishing the ritual pre- game tune up we cherished back at my alma mater. Now break up these butts and where is my new San Francisco Haight Street Bong baby...."

The last fast rocking hour before landing featured a who’s who of American hard down and dirty Chicago, San Francisco, New York blues baby. B.B. King, Bobby Blue Bland. Blind Willy Dixon, Paul Butterfield Blues Band, Muddy Waters, Howlin Wolf, Bonnie bad to the bone Raitte, Jim Morrison, John Lee Hooker....As the plane taxied in the last sounds Quill and the boys heard were Jim Morrison’s, "Five to one baby, one in five, no one here gets out alive- get together one more time, get together one more time....."

Quill and his posse are quickly oufitted in custom tailored Armani suits, white shirts groomed from head to foot. The young Senate room pages are all high fiven the boys as the make their way past exploding flash’s and hungry press, "Hey Quill, Lookin sharp as a tack! Any dirt in that closet Quill?"

  "Like that Poet said, let the first pure saint ask the questions and let those living in glass houses restrain from hurdling rocks my main man."

  "Quill, what’s the deal with you and Sharon Stone?"

  "A dear friend."

The massive Senate Hearing doors slowly open and Fletcher, Jive, Jason can now see into the white hot belly of the beast. Three Senators appear to be running the show for this controversial quicky confirmation. Kennedy, Feinstein, Biden are center table. The noise quickly stops as the President is announced and takes a seat in the back row with full secret service detail around him.

  "Gentleman stand and raise your right hand, do you solemnly swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god?"

  "I do." (Quill)

  "I do as well." (Jason. A.)

  "I do yes sir." (Jive. B.)

Please be seated and let all know who are in this chamber the United States Senate will now question and confirm or deny Mr. Fletcher Quill fifth generation San Franciscan, Decorated Viet Nam Veteran, four time independent political candidate, poet, noted international fly tying master, presidential peace envoy and diplomat, published author and master of the infamous Raven’s Haven castle in northern Ireland.

Senator Feinstein, "Mr. Fletcher Quill, sir your reputation has as always arrived much before the man. If it is true that a person is known by the company he or she keeps, may I indulge with just a partial list of your known associates: Truman Capote, Hunter S Thompson, William Burroughs, Keith Richards, Ken kessey ( merry prankster), General ‘ Mad Dog" James N. Mantis, Chesty Puller, Howling Wolf, Eric Clapton, Martha Steward, five X United States Presidents including President Johnson who decorated you for your work in Pest Control as you stated in an interview circa 1966 Vietnam.. You have admitted to actively seeking, buying, bribing to acquire the most rare feathers which you then make exotic insects or flies that sell for high prices. Your castle is a revolving door for the most gorgeous woman in the world including Sharon Stone, Live Ulan, Martha Steward, Teri Hatcher, Katherine Denuve, and many more. Constant one on one private coversations with both sitting and retired heads of state common place at Raven’s Haven sir? Your ongoing quest to break every existing fly fishing size record?

  "Ok, Hold on their lady Di, now Mr. Quill your constant reference to your Irish DNA does work for me sir."

  "Thank you Senator Kennedy, I’m a life long fan of your’s and your brothers sir, today I feel mighty Dagda’s most holy enlightening spirit and think of ole Willy Shakespeare’s words, "This like the howling of Irish wolves against the moon. I will get to back to you Mam."

  "Fletcher Quill, you sir have become a bit of a legend in the making in your life time. I know all about your being honored with an inspection by none other then Chesty Puller most famous noble Marine Corps warrior maximus. I read of your historical work working with John Wayne in Vietnam, fourteen months on the ground carrying a weapon as a hard livin, heart breakin, life taken U.S. Marine, published more work on historical old west, Wyatt Earp, wrote history of major American tourist city out west, countless cover stories on famous woman fly fishers, peace keeping diplomat work with the sitting president, extensive poetic past including known association with Ezra Pound, Robinson jeffers, began your own cowboy poetry gathering still goin on 20 years later, known by the most famous living and deceased fly fisher as a master in all aspects of fly tying, fishing, writing so forth. Master of the most talked about castle in the world and great friend to countless beautiful woman world wide who come and go at will making Raven’s Haven the place to to be invited, is that about it Mr. Quill?"

  "Senator Feinstein, I have deep respect and affection for you and all the great work done for my dear San Francisco. I did run four times as a reckless young boy straight out of S. F. State English Grad Dept. one hand on my hot fully loaded 400 horse 55 Chevy and my other hand around one of an endless line of the most magical, ethereal woman ever created., I paid for all campaigns out of my own pocket Mam. As for your list of people, you left out the Dali Lama whom I did burn a fatty with as young screen writer living on a 1970s Sausalito houseboat. As for my having time for games, only game I ever play is the old Marine Corps game hide the Salami.

As for Vietnam, I ain’t no fortunate son Mam, I volunteered at 16 and was half way through my first 13 month tour when they discovered I was too young to be there. In my case I was a bad ass on arrival MCRD San Diego, the 11 week course was just formality. I had already beat hell out of maybe 30 of the toughest boys in my world by age 16. The rest was easy Mam.. In regard to the famous poets I have met, most of them I met by way of the famous woman I knew first, one beast kinda follow the tracks of the other haven’t you noticed that especially in Washington Mam?"

Senator Kennedy, When I think about Bobby’s courage and the general testicular circumference of all the Kennedy males, makes me as proud as when I hear that Marine Corp’s hymn sir. Anyone of you could have packed your gear with the very baddest boys I ran with for duty, honor, country. I make know excuses to anyone here, I was and maybe to some Zen like extent still and American original bad ass who loves the outdoors, water, fly fishing, bird, watching, poetry, babies, puppies, Ikibana flower arranging, chess, beautiful woman of all ages and will at age 60 go toe to toe right now with any one who has anything negative to say about my country or my Marine Corps."

  "Quill guess you know me don’t you sir?"

  "Yes sir Senator Biden, I do know of some of your more public exploits with the press, yes sir."

  "Your resume includes more time on and in this nations water supply then most fish sir. You have published more work on the sport of fly fishing then anyone ever has, if anyone ought to be quickly voted unanimously for Secretary of the Interior it is so obviously you sir. One question from me, would you allow exploration of any Alaskan land for oil or any other resource?"

  "I would not under in circumstance allow that to happen. In fact a complete over haul of all water issues especially in California will begin yesterday if I’m confirmed. Trout, salmon, game fish in general and all aquatic creatures may begin rejoicing right about now. A new national water cop is needed and I’m that dude! No more pandering to old school water priories on my watch. The fish and the complete restructuring of all fish and game and all water districts will begin very quickly, any other questions?"

A voice from the rear of the chamber ends the discussion in a record 25 minutes flat, "All in favor of a unanimous confirmation vote for the new United State’s Secretary of the Interior Dr. Fletcher Quill, all in favor say "I", "I’s have it. Congratulations Dr. Quill. I also bestow upon your two trusty associates’s the titles of assist. Secratary with full diplomatic passports and top security clearances, sir your team is complete."

Mean while back at Ravens’ Haven a serious case of Uber blondness meeting ultra blondness is about to happen as too much blondness collided in a mass of shiny bright curls... Newly returned Sharon Stone back from her movie location slaker duty and the now deeply entrenched Martha (where the hell is that presidential pardon?) Steward are watching the ultra blond goddessisimo Liv Ulman unpack her black and red leather satin Louie Vitton luggage spilling about one million in hand made Italian, French white, black, red satin tops, pants, sheets, and 100 pair of black, white, red, 6 and 9 inch soft leather high heels. 
Both Martha and Sharon stand in awe at this traveling shrine to high end blondness to the extreme baby, the extreme!!!!!!

Let the water war’s begin baby? - Blond mayhem insues?